Oh Child of Divorce, You are not defined by your parents. Not by their actions, their successes or their mistakes. Maybe it is ironic that I greet as a child of divorce when it is your parents divorce that brings you to this place and I am actually calling you a child of divorce but hear me out on this. Your parents decided to get a divorce. No matter the reason that does not mean that you will make those same decisions. Or that those decisions will happen to you. It does not mean that you are a divorcee.
You are a creation of God created to glorify Him. You are not a mistake. You are not at fault for your parent’s decisions.
Maybe I should turn this around – I am not a mistake. Conceived out of wedlock but I am not a- mistake. It is not my fault my parents got divorced (any of the 4 times I have experienced it).
I grew up with multiple households. In my youth I was the minority in my community of having divorced and remarried parents. This is not reality now (facts showing current stats on teens with divorced parents). I remember people asking me about my family. I was often ashamed that I had two sets of parents and a ton of grandparents – well at least until Christmas – then I loved having all those family members buy me gifts!(Count your blessings) But I remember wanting the ideal family – one mom, one dad. The kind that loved me and wanted to be at all my activities. But instead as a little girl it was just me and my mom. I prayed for my dad to part of my life. I prayed for brothers and sisters.(Be careful what you pray for – you should see my family tree now!) Just as my dad was coming back into my life my mom remarried. My new stepdad had two daughters – one older and one younger so now I was the middle child. My new stepmom was pregnant the first time I met her and I was suddenly the older wiser sister. Within two years I went from being the child of a single mom to having 4 parents and 3 siblings. I had to change the way I talked about my families. The way I defined my living situation. But none of this changed who God was in my life or who He created me to be.
Did I get what I prayed for? Some would say more than I prayed for and some would say not at all. Those extra family members brought more drama and pain but they also brought lots of blessings (and not just Christmas gifts). I began to take pride in saying that I was the only, the middle and the oldest. Not many of my friends could say that. I was blessed to have two families that loved me and wanted to be with me through my teen years. But again, they did not define me. Both of those marriages fell apart in my college and early married years. If I had let them define me I would have fallen apart too.
I don’t have to follow in my parents footsteps in their decisions to divorce.
This thought process came from praying over my niece. That she would know that she is loved by a great God. Created for His good plan in her life. Redeemed because He loves her. When people ask who do you live with – what do you say? My grandma – with a sad tone that shows that you miss having a mother and father together in a home that love you and care for you? Or do you know that God has provided a different way for you to experience His love and redemption and that just because your parents have made decisions that are not in your best interest – it does NOT define you as a child of a mighty faithful God?
No matter what bad decisions your parents have made, whether it is divorce, drug abuse, breaking the law etc – while it will absolutely affect your life – it does not define your life.